The Fool's Container
hold this while you leap
“The sun, which shines behind him, knows whence he came, whither he is going, and how he will return by another path after many days. He is the spirit in search of experience”
- Arthur Edward Waithe, Pictoral Key to the Tarot
I am taking a leap of faith and diving into the unknown, confronting the future with naive hope.
I am carrying more than I can bear and I sense the momentum of my journey drop to a standstill as the weight of my fears and hopes and dreams become unmanageable.
Give me an object to contain these fears, the passionate impulse and desire that wear at the seams of my spirit, to hold these acidic sentiments safely as they are burning my hands.
Give me a container to hold all that I cannot.
The Fool is an archetype of folly and expansion.
Leaping joyfully into the unknown, The Fool begins their journey ignorant to where it will lead, moving forward anyway, come what may.
The Fool does not see what lies below, naive and innocent to the pitfalls of the path they are on, they cannot see the consequences, they only see the blue sky ahead as they leap with all their heart, with all their baggage, with all the threads that tie us to this world streaming behind them in the warmth of the watchful and illuminating Sun.
Driven by impulse, desire, and the promising expectant dream of something new.
Come what may!
Come what may!
God I am so scared of being seen.
May this leap take me beyond fear and the comfortable rut I have found myself in.
I have no desire to be fearless, I wish to be brave.
Let me love and accept the parts of me that are so afraid.
Let me walk with fear and bravery together as symbiotic companions and parts of the whole, inseparable shadow and light.
Let me integrate myself with myself with myself with myself.
Give me an object to place all of this, give me an object to hold all that I cannot.
I disembark off another cliff taking another leap of faith, carrying scripts and notes, a disorganized mass of thought collection, dumped and purged into various spaces; the notes app on my phone, a folder of google documents, handwritten journals, post-its and group chats. The last half of my twenties documented in the moments where the only way to cope is to write it all down.
Recording the present as a means of survival.
Now I begin again, constructing a Fool’s container, a place to hold all that I cannot bear anymore. A place to organize and archive the strange baggage of the past into something that makes sense.
I am so scared of being seen and yet I know the only way to truly take this leap is to be brave, to love and accept this fear and share all I can.
Beneath the fear is knowledge that I have something to say, I have something to share.
I will do my best.
This record is proof of life, proof this Fool’s journey even happened at all.